Myra Shah- Draft 1

This is a very endearing story and I liked the way you opened your piece. You literally led us into the building and to Mary Nicholson's new apartment. Lots of good detail but I felt like you breezed through your story. We never get to spend time with Mary or get to know her as a person. We see her doing lots of things but we don't know how she feels. It would be great if you could show us more. Take your time. I'd like to feel closer to Mary and what this big change means to her. Obviously she's healthy and coping. Perhaps if you went into depth with a couple of her activities, we could get closer to Mary and feel her emotions.