John’s 1st Draft: Comments

I was hooked from the beginning, and you were bold to open with a reference to 9/11. It's been done. But of course, your story did not stop there, and you kept piling on one interesting scene after another, like a slow reveal of this guy Williams we are trying to figure out.

Would love to know more about Williams, who’s a bit like the Waldo of southeast Asia. He’s been everywhere; he knows everyone. How does he resolve his insider view of Afghan politics with the way the US manages its foreign policy? Can only imagine Williams gets frustrated??

Eager to see where this interesting story goes.