Lucky Thirteen: Sylvia, 1st Draft Comments

This is such a rich setting and your narrative is most compelling when in character with Sylvia. The dialogue is fun, authentic, and takes us deep into Sylvia's time and world. But I thought the piece loses energy and your voice when it retreats into exposition. Sylvia is a strong character and I miss her when she is not sharing herself.

For me, the story starts with the second graph, which gets us into the story. If info in the first graph is important, then perhaps there is a way to weave it as reflection or back story to the thread of the story. Also, you described Sylvia's high school as "any typical New York City public school." Doesn't sound typical to me. What about a scene showing us what the high school is like?

Not sure where this story is going, but I definitely want to know more about Sylvia's world!