Michelle: 1st Draft

Your story opening is compelling and the action of the fire scene gets us right there into the drama with your characters. But there's also a danger to being so close to the scene: since this is in the past, it begs me, the reader, to wonder how you know so much. Is this fact or fiction?

Also, given the strength of your opening scene, I felt like the spell was broken when you took us out of the scene with interior dialogue. You are showing us so much, you don't need to have your characters tell us anything more.

This story/history is obviously very meaningful to you, but not yet clear why it is important to you or what you want us to take away from it. Your comment about your father never expecting he would live to adult hood is a great hook. He is a survivor. Perhaps your Dad is who your story will be about?