Group 5: First drafts

Dan:

You have so many wonderful gems in here. Great potential. I liked being in the amphitheater with you, especially when you started to reveal your discomfort and irony. Law school is such a curious place and to an outsider even more strange. Would be great for you to share that "what have I gotten myself into" queasiness with us, your readers. Also, the story "arc" you revealed in class: you the under-schooled outsider befriending and ultimately being coached by the big man himself, Nesson - thematically very rich.

In writing, I would watch out for redundancies. The sparer the language the more I can engage my imagination. Also, we need to know Nesson by only one name; otherwise he becomes hard to follow in your story.

Can't wait to read more!

TJ:

Great start to a work in progress (aren't we all?) Have faith in what you started. As Greg said - and I thought - this guy is so familiar but why don't we know anything about him? There's a lot of tension between his thumbing his nose at the Harvard Sq business association and his insistence on operating on his own terms. He may be homeless but he's got a spine and principles. Which, from what you stated in class, have played a big part in the choices he's been making for the past 35 years. If he hates people and authority so much, why did he set up business on a busy corner in a people dense area? There is a lot to tease apart on how he presents himself and the choices he has made.

Go for it!